Parenting can be very difficult and there will be times when you might lose your temper in front of your children. You might even say hurtful things to your toddler. But if you are physically or emotionally abusive or if you use your child’s love to control him, you are a toxic parent. Using fear, threats or guilt as weapons against your child will not help. Children are sensitive and are wired to respond to more than just words. They understand our behavior and our emotions towards them. The trauma caused by contact with toxic parents can last a long time, so stop saying hurtful things to them.
HealthShots reached out to psychologist Dr. Malini Saba to learn more about toxic parents and how they can affect a child.
What toxic parents tell their children
Toxic parents have nothing good to say to their children. Some of the hurtful things they say to their kids are –
1. Criticize her appearance
Children are very vulnerable and exposed to comments from their parents. Criticizing their appearance such as shaming them, commenting on their clothes, their hair, or their appearance in general, can be very derogatory, says Dr. Saba.
2. Put them down
It may be hard to believe, but children have complex emotions too. Toxic comments that put them down or their feelings like calling them stupid, disappointing, worthless or making them feel worthless are very unhealthy for them.
3. Unfair comparisons
Often, toxic parents have a habit of comparing their child to another child. They tend to compare their child to a sibling, cousin, or school kid.
4. Blame Them
Toxic parents, in a fit of rage or frustration, may blame the children. Comments such as “I have sacrificed so much for you” or “You are making my life difficult” are used to make them feel guilty and indebted.
5. Restrict them
Parents have the upper hand when it comes to making decisions for their children’s lives. Unduly taking advantage of this, restricting and manipulating children with comments and ultimatums like “you can do this or you can’t do that” is very toxic, whether in education, play or work.
Toxic comments have repercussions
Toxic comments can derail a child’s entire life! Serious problems can arise with body shaming, says the expert. They can even have negative emotional effects such as:
• Low self-esteem
• Eating disorders
• Body dysmorphic disorder (a mental illness that involves an obsessive focus on a perceived flaw in appearance)
• Anxiety
• Depression
In the long run, these insecurities can prevent them from leading healthy lives or forming healthy relationships, says Dr. Saba. Toxic comments and constant negative criticism from parents, including parental rejection, can lead to inferiority complex and self-criticism in children that can last a lifetime (ways to overcome self-criticism).
How can parents avoid being toxic?
The major point to realize here is that children are just little human beings with emotions as complex as adults. So, start by valuing them. Remember that they are learning to do things every day. Put yourself in their shoes and think about how you would feel if someone you love constantly criticized or put you down. Learn to listen, recognize and do better every day.
