When people start a romantic relationship, they want it to last a long time. Some might even think they have to keep secrets to survive in the relationship. Being honest and opening up to a partner is all about trust, comfort, and confidence. If these three important factors are missing, then naturally you start keeping secrets. In fact, some don’t even like discussing topics like money issues or habits. Keeping a secret is not healthy because it can ruin a relationship. Find out why you shouldn’t keep secrets from your partner.
HealthShots connected with Dr. Chandni Tugnait, psychotherapist, life and business coach, to learn about the side effects of keeping secrets in relationships.
Reasons Couples Keep Secrets
Couples may keep secrets from each other for different reasons. Some of them are:
• Fear of judgment
• Critical
• Embarrassment
• Uncertainty or frustration with the relationship
• Lack of time to discuss issues
• Avoid difficult topics
• Wanting to protect themselves from potential injury.
Dr Tugnait says couples may also feel too embarrassed or ashamed to open up about certain topics to avoid appearing weak or vulnerable. They need to be open and honest with each other if they want to build trust and maintain healthy communication. It can be easy to keep a secret if a couple spends little time together due to distance or other life commitments. Keeping secrets can harm relationships as it can lead to feelings of mistrust and loneliness.
How keeping secrets can ruin a relationship?
Maintaining a healthy relationship is not always easy. And if secrets get in the way, it doesn’t take long for cracks to form in the relationship.
1. Loss of trust
When one partner hides secrets from the other, it can lead to mistrust, suspicion, and insecurity in the relationship. Without trust, it can be difficult for the couple to communicate openly and honestly, the expert explains.
2. Resentment
Keeping secrets often leads to resentment, as one partner may not feel heard or taken seriously by the other. It can also lead to bitterness, anger, and frustration, as one partner may feel that their feelings are not valued or appreciated by the other.
3. Unmet needs
If a partner hides essential information, it can be difficult for both partners to express their needs and desires. As a result, these needs may not be met, leading to further dissatisfaction and hurt feelings between the two partners.
4. Lack of communication
Secrets can hinder communication in relationships because people feel too embarrassed or ashamed to discuss certain topics with their partners. This lack of communication can create tension and misunderstandings within a relationship and make it difficult for couples to resolve issues.
5. Emotional distance
Keeping secrets from a partner often leads to emotional distance since partners find it difficult to express themselves openly without fear of judgment or criticism from their partner. This can lead to disconnection and alienation between the two partners, which is detrimental to any healthy relationship.
The right time to share secrets with your partner
You may be too busy or your partner may not be available when you want to talk. So, the right time to share secrets with your partner is when you both feel comfortable and safe enough to do so. It is essential to create an environment where both partners feel free to express their thoughts and feelings without fears or insecurities. It can be helpful for couples to book specific times or activities, such as dates, weekend walks, or movie nights. Then they can talk openly about whatever matters to them. It’s important to remember that communication is a two-way street and partners need to be comfortable listening and responding to each other.
How to be honest with your partner
zWondering how to be honest with your partner? Here’s what you can do:
• Create an environment of trust and respect by being open, honest and patient with each other.
• Schedule specific times or activities where you can talk openly about any issues that bother you as well.
• Listen carefully to each other’s words and feelings without judgment or criticism.
• Recognize the importance of keeping secrets confidential in the relationship.
• Respect each other’s boundaries when deciding what should be kept confidential and what can be shared with others outside of the relationship.
• Speak openly and honestly without hurting or offending your partner’s feelings.
• Respect everyone’s privacy and understand that some things may seem too personal or private to share.
• Find creative ways to open up, such as writing letters to each other, telling each other stories, or playing riddles together.
It’s about being vulnerable and honest with your partner about your experiences, thoughts, and feelings.
